No matter how many times you break her heart and kill her inside she will still love you with everything she has

new years eve,
joy.

good bye 2009,
hello 2010;

crossing my fingers and hoping for a better year;;
so
bring it on

♡ -Camille

"Stop planning your life and let it plan itself. Quit trying to find
the perfect boy and let him find you. If you don’t want drama,
then don’t talk shit. Things are only as complicated as you make them."

nothing is mine except my heart and my fears and my growing knowledge

so today i've come to realize that it will take me a while to get over everything that is happening..
and it sucks, but i'm trying extremely hard.
it may hurt like a bitch now but i'm going to come out of this stronger than ever.
haha, what a foreign concept.. i didnt know i could teach myself to be strong, i never really needed to, and i didn't think i could
but hey, what do ya know.
and it will all be worth it in the end.

my memory of it all is slowly fading and it's like i'm re-learning everything
honestly, i'm becoming a different person, but the changes are positive
i'm learning more about myself and i know what my priorities should be

but it's sad that i have to try to forget;
i really don't want to forget even just the memories, but i feel like i have to because they may hold me back

"You cannot discover new oceans unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore"

anyway, at the moment, all i have are my fears and growing knowledge (duhh, title?)..
i haven't really gotten my heart back yet and it's going to be hard to repair this,
but i'm working on it.
it's just good to know that this is just a tougher than usual obstacle in my life, but i'm going to get through it with class. i will make it through (positive thinking, haiii)
it's a learning experience; that i should never let my guard down like that again..
i wish i didn't have to let go,
but i guess it just is time that i do
and i guess this is how i'm trying..

blehhh, time for a nap
night, yo!
♡ -Camille
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"The feelings you keep, will neither bind you or set you free."

taking a break from SAT work, and honestly,

i'm probably not going to know what to put here, but whatever.
i'll just go with the flow.....
kind of like how i'm living my life right now
i mean as much as i wish i could, obviously i can't tell the future and i can't stop or prevent things from happening;
shit happens. it just happens.
and that's life.

yeah, things are extremely difficult for me right now,
but you know what's keeping me here..
just the thought that..
this shit can't last forever,
it will pass eventually.

(oh, just so you know, i am a quote junkie. so, just be aware.)
and at that,
i love this quote and it relates to pretty much everything right now:

"before you can see the light, you have to deal with the darkness."



and at the moment, that's where i'm at, dealing with the darkness.. but
i'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason.
it may not make sense to me right now why all these things are happening, and i may not see the good in all this, but who knows, maybe i'll understand it in the future.

only time will tell..


and ps,
i also believe that
karma's a bitch.
so please,
please be careful.

♡ -Camille

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"There are many ways of seeing. After all, reality is perception, and everyone sees reality differently. Try going beyond the obvious and the ephemeral to feel reality instead. If you can free the clutter from your mind, you will liberate your perception from it's ego-based prejudices. Let your soul do the seeing and you will see reality with the eye in your heart, not the eyes in your head."