this time i have nothing left to lose, i'm stuck the second hand won't move

"Sometimes that's just life though, don't you think? Sometimes the crappiest things happen at the most unexpected times and you just have to take it for what it's worth and realize that its not the end, that there is always the tiniest hole you can crawl through to get yourself out"

everything is falling apart.

my whole group of friends,

and

school is being a fucking bitch.

my. life.

just what the fuck? really? may isn't my month. at least not this year...

i don't know what to do anymore, because i'm not sure if there is much more that i can do.

my friends situation:

i've tried all i could to help, but nothing i do seems to work. and it just keeps getting worse, at least, that's what it seems like to me. there's so much going on right now, that i feel like i'm in too deep. i can't get myself out of this.

i can't take sides, none of that. i want to be there for all of them. i've tried everything. but one can only do so much. i feel like i can't help anymore, and therefore, the rest is up to them. the situation spun out of control and i'm just not sure what i'm supposed to do now. but i do know that i can't just abandon them.

i care for them all, and all i want is for each one of them to be happy.

when one person falls apart, we all go down together.

they're like family to me, and i love them all to death.

i can't stand to see them like this, i've never seen them more upset and unhappy..

but i don't know what more could i do.

i just don't know what to do.....

to put it simply, again, i'm just confused about everything. but shouldn't i be used to confusion by now? i mean, that's basically been what my entire life has consisted of the past few months, confusion, confusion, and more confusion.

confusion sums it all up.

i don't know what i'm doing anymore.

my priorities are all wrong.

everything is just so wrong.

i need to get my shit together, and i need to fast.

but most importantly,

i need to somehow figure out how to help my best friends, because the last thing i want to do is lose them.

i've dealt with a lot of tough shit the past few months, but they changed my outlook on life basically & made everything tolerable, more positive, and i honestly don't know what i'd do without them.

i hope this situation can somehow be fixed:/

and soon...

well, i'm crossing my fingers & hoping for the best.

♡ -Camille

i guess i would rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

so clearly, that whole post about my resolution never happened. i don't know when i'll write it but eventually....

anyway,

i'm a bit confused with the way my life is going right now.

i don't know. i'm kind of reverting back to my old ways when i had a passion for reading.

as for the rest of the stuff that's going on in my life, it's just weird.

i basically feel like everything is just so difficult. school, family stuff, people. love. idk whatever. i don't even want to talk about any of it. i guess i just feel empty, everywhere. like i don't know anything.

and what makes it all worse is that i haven't seen my mom like all week. and to be honest, i don't like it. i can see now that if i ever had to live with just my dad and brother, i would probably die. haha i'm done here for today, i think i'm going to go outside to admire the beauty of the snow everywhere. helloooo winter wonderland! we'll see, maybe i'll even try writing song, see if the snow can inspire me... bahahah bye!

I'm teaching myself to believe in the things I don't understand, I don't even know if they're true.. but that's what dreamers do

I believe we write our own stories--and each time we think we know the end, we don’t.

♡ -Camille

the resolution:

i'll write it when i feel like i can. cause honestly, i'm not up for it right now. and plus, freaking midterms....

"Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you."

♡ -Camille

if life is full of questions, are we living to find the answers?

so, i figured since i'm procrastinating awfully at the moment, i might as well do something that's slightly productive. so ha, here i am!

um, so midterms start on friday, i'm stressing so much. and i really should not be procrastinating right now but i can't concentrate. just because i've got way too much on my mind.. still.. i want it all to go away now. the pain, the tears, the thinking about him.

just get out of my head, please.

i've been trying to hard to let go of this, but it doesn't seem to be working. and i don't know what to do. i'm trying as hard as i can, but no progress.

i guess i just miss him..
and i'm never going to stop..

kay. i need to stop writing this, now. for many reasons.
want a list?
here.
1. i have an assload of homework to finish.
2. so i stop thinking about all this..
3. to keep my freaking sanity... yeah, right..
4. i need to study.
5. again, i repeat, back to homework and studying..
6. and many other reasons that i'd rather not put here.

Sometimes, the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.
But the most common situation is that the questions are always simple,
but the answers are confusing.

♡ -Camille

"i wish you could see that all i want from you is your love. reach out and talk to me. i'll be there for you. it may sound silly, but sometimes i listen to your favorite songs because now that you're gone, it's the closest way i can be to you."

humanity for all

It has been said when you plant a seed you reap a tree. It is the smallest things that bring about the largest change. By simply extending a helping hand, yielding your right of way, or intentionally meeting the needs of others, you can make a difference in our world. Consider making a difference in someone’s life today. Sow the seed of Humanity. Love Mankind.